Six Tips on Teaching Kids Responsibility

I’m lucky. My mom taught me the importance of personal responsibility (by words and actions) since I was a little girl. As a divorced mom of five kids, I saw how she took responsibility for holding our family together – often working a couple of jobs at a time without complaint. As such, I try to teach this important quality to my kids by example.

As such, I’m happy to be able to share the following six recommendations to instill responsibility in children from Rick D. Niece, Ph.D., author of The Side-Yard Superhero and president of the University of the Ozarks. You can learn more about Rick D. Niece, Ph.D. and his various works at www.RickNiece.com.

1. Build Work Ethic
When I was nine-years old, I took over a newspaper route, a route I kept until I entered college. I was proud to be a miniature entrepreneur. My 72 customers waited anxiously for me to deliver their daily newspaper. My customers depended upon me, and if I let them down, I let myself down. That newspaper route helped me grow into being a responsible adult with a strong work ethic.

2. Assign Household Chores
Responsibility can begin at an early age. Assign children routine tasks to complete around the house. The following chores involve nothing unreasonable or barbaric: make the bed; tidy the bedroom; carry out the trash; empty the dishwasher; mow the yard; rake leaves; dust, sweep, and mop (not mope).

3. Encourage Saving Money
When children earn money, insist they save some of it. The savings can be for short-term purchases like video games and clothing, or toward long-term goals like summer camp and college. When children save their own money, it gives the purchase special meaning.

4. Adopt a Pet
When something depends upon us, we become responsible. Pets—from goldfish to golden retrievers, turtles to gerbils— require regular and reliable maintenance. But lessons of responsibility are not
learned if Mom or Dad becomes the one who cares for a neglected pet.

5. Foster Reflective Thinking
The power of reflective thinking dates back to Socrates. The concept is a simple one: the more we think, the better we learn. Children make good decisions and bad decisions. As adults, we can help them think about why they did what they did, and how the consequences affect them and others.

6. Model Values
We are children’s role models. We are models of honesty and truthfulness, examples of ethical behavior and integrity. We are the superheroes of ordinary life, and our heroics are as powerful and protective as our fictional counterparts. We teach that dishonesty and deception have unpleasant consequences, that unacceptable behavior is unacceptable. But we cannot be worthy examples if we do not model proper values ourselves. Be diligent. Children are watching.

(Do you have any other practical guidelines in regards to teaching your kids to be personally responsible?)

Don’t Be Nervous About Your Child’s Development

One of the questions that I get asked the most by my moms - especially first-time moms - is “Is this normal?” in regards to their kids’ development at various stages. There’s such a wide range of “normal” that 9 times out of 10, the answer is “yes”. (Of course, I’m not a pediatrician or specialist, so I always encourage moms to also speak with the professionals in their lives!)

Although I’m not an “expert”, one of the best parts of being a parenting writer is that I have access to them! As such, I asked Ellenmorris Tiegerman, Ph.D., the Founder and Executive Director at the School for Language and Communication Development, to share about this topic. She specializes in children with language and autism spectrum disorders. Below are her thoughts:

“Parents are often concerned at different points in their children’s lives that something is developmentally wrong. There are several misconceptions that parents need to understand as they proceed to gather information and to figure out what their child needs. Firstly, the term “wrong” is not helpful. If there is a developmental difference between your child and his peers, most of the time the “difference” is just that – a learning style difference. Children do not all learn in exactly the same way. Nor do they learn at exactly the same rate of development. Sometimes children are shy or they have very specific activity preferences. None of these things indicate either a disorder or a disability. So my recommendation to parents who are just beginning this process is to calm down and put your fears aside. At this stage, parents need to gather information.

Secondly, there are several helpful sites for parents who have young children (the American Speech Language and Hearing Association at www.asha.org). This site has a section specifically for parents who are interested in determining what skills children acquire at specific ages. This information is usually presented on a developmental chart. The advantage of looking at a developmental chart is that parents can compare their children’s behavior to other typical children at specific ages. So, the parent who is concerned about her 2-year-old who only has 10 words can look at a developmental chart for comparison purposes. Many two-year-olds have a vocabulary of 100 to 200 words and are beginning to combine words to create short sentences. What if a parent is still anxious about the difference between her child and the skills described on the developmental chart?

As I indicated earlier, it is important for parents to understand that normal development does not have exact ages and stages. Keep in mind that social environments and families as well as cultural experiences are vastly different. As a result, what children know will be directly affected by the experiences that you provide such as play dates, museums, dance classes, art classes, music classes and most important adult/child conversations. Talk to your child – constantly. The most important indicator of learning development and success is language. Teach your children about words. Teach your children to read books, books and more books.

Okay, so after all of this, parents discover that there is a 3- to 6-month difference between their child’s skills and the developmental chart. Most of the time a difference of three to six months is quite typical since children are not robots, they are little language processors who are highly specialized and unique. Children hear everything, children process everything but they learn in their own special way. Look at your child in relation to his peers. Is he standing on the sideline? Is he watching? Does he interact? Does he approach other children? Does he play with toys? When a child has a disability, he is usually disengaged, isolated and not playing with toys appropriately.

If parents are concerned, then the first professional to speak to is the pediatrician. If the pediatrician has concerns, then she can advise parents about clinical practitioners who can appropriately evaluate a young child’s hearing, language and social skills. Formalized evaluations will then provide quantitative as well as qualitative information to distinguish between a learning difference and a developmental delay. Usually a developmental delay of 8 to 12 months signals the need for intervention services. In some communities, a child has to present a difference of 12 to 18 months before services are provided.

Remember, a developmental difference is not a developmental delay. There are many parent-friendly guidebooks that provide valuable developmental information, so relax. Consider this journey of leaning about your child as one of exploration and wonderment. Even after all of these years, I am always amazed at how easily and readily typical children learn the most complicated concepts, skills and lessons. Typical children are natural learners. Their differences relate to how they learn. The best thing for parents to do is to watch their children to see what they are doing and how they are doing it.

Suggested Books:
-What is Language? What is Speech?

-The Portable Pediatrician: A Practicing Pediatrician’s Guide to Your Child’s Growth, Development, Health and Behavior, from Birth to Age Five by Laura W. Nathanson.

-Alphabet Kids From ADD to Zellweger Syndrome by Robbie Woliver.

-Language Disorders in Children Real Families, Real Issues, and Real Interventions by Ellenmorris Tiegerman-Farber and Christine Radziewicz.”

Q&A About Boys (Part II): Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D.

This is Part II of a Q&A with Dr. Thompson, a psychologist, school consultant and author/co-author of eight books including the classic bestseller, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys and It’s a Boy!: Understanding Your Son’s Development from Birth to Eighteen. (You can learn more about Dr. Thompson and his works on his website www.michaelthompson-phd.com.)

Who has the greatest influence on preschool aged boys - the mother or the father?
In both single-parent families and in traditional, two-parent families (and there are fewer and fewer of them), it is the mother who provides the moment-to-moment, day-to-day care for her son and daughter, and thereby provides the foundation of their emotional lives. A mother’s love is, I believe, the bedrock of a child’s personality. Military histories tell us that when men are dying on the battlefield, with their last breaths they cry out for their moms.

That said, both parents are extremely influential in the life of a child, and I believe nature provided children with two parents for a reason: kids benefit from having two different approaches and two people who can support each other in loving a child during the difficult moments. A boy is profoundly influenced by how his mother treats him and responds to him, and he is equally influenced by the ways in which his father loves him and celebrates him.

Many mothers feel a bit jilted when their three- or four-year-old son, with whom they have spent a long day, suddenly seems incredibly excited by his father coming home. They want to wrestle with their dads, hang on their dads, and do everything their fathers do.

It is normal for a boy to love his mother, but to take her a bit for granted. After all, she’s the one who is usually there; she’s the one who reminds him to bathe and brush his teeth, etc., etc. In a little boy’s world, the fact that his father works outside the home tends to be a novelty, but also a boy needs to start constructing a male identity and it is his father on whom he is going to model himself. I’m sorry when mothers compete with fathers for a boy’s affections. A boy’s love for his father should be a source of pride to his mother; after all, she married his father because she thought he was a good man.

What should moms and dads do/how should they interact with their young sons to best meet their child’s needs?
The most important thing a mother and father should do is to enjoy their sons. Boys are fun, full of energy, sometimes wild, mostly loving and ultimately rewarding. You need to keep them safe, and they need to learn to be well-mannered, but mostly you just have to enjoy what they enjoy. Seeing the world through a boy lens can be pretty illuminating.

When (around what age) should boys be expected to control their physical selves (sitting still; play fighting a lot of the time, etc.)?
I hope no one expects boys to ever “control their physical energy” like girls. Three-quarters of boys are more physically active, more impulsive and developmentally immature in comparison to girls of the same chronological age. Boys in groups are rowdy, loud, and active, and they engage in play fighting right through college. Women who have two or three brothers tell me that they continue wrestling and play fighting into their thirties and even forties. If you are waiting for most boys to calm down and be like girls, you are in for a long, long wait.

(To see the introduction and the first set of questions, please visit Q&A About Boys: Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D.)